H O N
?Who does she think she is? I'm not her "hon"! Heck, my FATHER isn'told enough to be her "hon."She has no right using a demeaning term like "hon" with me. I'm notjust some piece of meat in window! I have a brain (well, arguably)and a complete, fully-developed personality (which you can read aboutin the January issue of "Psychology Today") -- but do women ever makeit beyond the stark good looks, the bulging biceps, the sharply-chiseled facial features? (Alright, I'm making this up. But just tryto go with me on this one, okay?) Apparently not -- they're all toobusy thinking with their ovaries. They think we're just good formaking a living and solving non-linear differential equations. Andprogramming VCRs. And connecting speakers to stereos. And balancingcheckbooks. And lifting heavy things. And helping make babies.Well, I've had it. I will not be called "hon" or "boy" ever again. Iwill stand up for myself. I will *not* allow total strangers to treatme as nothing more than the sex object that I really, secretly, waydown deep, wish I were. :-) I will not allow terms like "boy" to beused in my presence -- whether referring to me or not -- for I am agrown man (really?), and I refuse to be sent back into my childhood.(Unless, of course, someone can find a way to *actually* send me backinto my childhood. I think I can do pretty well on the math tests now.)But I can't go it alone. I need to mobilize the HumourNet Army tofight for the rights of the downtrodden, the oppressed, and thepersecuted. That is, people who have a sense of humor, and havebetter things to do with their time than analyze every aspect oftheir environment for potential offense.If you're not concerned, you should be. And if you should be, thenyou *will* be by the time you read Lorraine's "PC Guide Update."(Sure, I'm joking about the rest of this stuff. But the "Update"*really is* pretty scary!)For those of you who actually *need* an introduction to the "PC"concept, the "Update" is preceded by a severely-abridged version ofthe "PC Primer," as provided by Matt. (This one originally appeared --and can still be read in its full, unabridged glory -- in Collage 11.)Once the "Primer" and "Update" have you up to speed on the local PCscene, Dave's "Politically-Correct Humor" piece provides an examplethe type of material that HumourNet and the other lists will berunning in, say, two or three years (if the PCers have their way).It's the first (and -- let's hope -- the only) "Politically-Correct"Collage. Many thanks to this issue's contributors.Now go out there and start getting offended!- Vince Sabio HumourNet Moderator HumourNet@telephonet."Opener (above) Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio Permission is hereby granted to forward or post this "Collage"; please observe the guidelines stated at the end of the message": The "PC Primer"Q: What is P.C.?PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correctphilosophy believe in increasing the tolerance for a DIVERSITY ofcultures, race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles.Political Correctness is the only socially- and morally-acceptableoutlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted,biased, sexist, and closed-minded.Q: Why should I be PC?Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way oflife! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are right,and that you are undoing the social evils of centuries ofoppression.Q: I am a white male--can I still be PC?Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.Q: Why?If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible forpractically every injustice in the world--slavery, war, genocideand plaid sport coats. That means that YOU are partiallyresponsible for these atrocities. Now it is time to balance thescales of justice for the descendants of those individuals whoseancestors your ancestors oppressed.Q: How?It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what youthink, and what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.Q: How do I know if an action is non-PC?Good question. It's important to know when someone is sayingsomething insensitive so that you can have that person removedfrom society. The guideline is as follows:Is the confrontation between two white people? Yes -> The liberal is right. No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.Remember, many seemingly obvious issues--such as the railroading ofMayor Marion Barry, the Clarence Thomas issue, and the SaintMary's University Caribbean Society shut-down--are really raceissues.Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaperarticles you can make into race-bias stories. It's fun! SomePCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKKpamphlet!Q: I've heard a lot about PC words to replace "Black, Indian,"etc.Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way wethink about people comes directly from the words we use todescribe them. Take "black" for instance. Why should a person bejudged by the color of their skin?Q: You mean that they should rather be judged by the content oftheir character?No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors arefrom. If your great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, orwherever, then you should be identified by that fact. You caneven apply for special scholarships!Q Hey, wouldn't a white person from Libya or Egypt technically bean African-American?Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-American wemean. That is, we're REALLY talking about skin color, but we'repretending that we aren't. Another example: a white South-African immigrant is not an African-American (or either).Q: What else do I have to be careful of?Humor. We take every comment VERY seriously. We will not acceptany comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it couldbe a gender or racial slur.Q: Give me an example."What's black and white and red all over?" has been staple humorfor decades. Not PC--it can be taken the wrong way.In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the potcalling the kettle African-American?" Any racial jokes--or jokeseven mentioning culture or gender--should be omitted. True, thismostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the priceyou pay for social equality, justice, and that warm, fuzzy feelingyou get from knowing that you are undoing centuries of oppression.Q: Is that all there is to it?Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognitionthat people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality bytreating people differently based on their equal individualities.Hop aboard the bandwagon... Be PC. Or else you're an intolerant,racist, sexist, insensitive pig.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: PC Guide UpdateFrom "The Official Sexually Correct Dictionary and Dating Guide"by Henry Beard and Christopher Cerf"DATING DON'TS AND DON'TS"(A Handy Checklist for the Politically Correct 90s)Here, just in time for spring, is a list of things that are nowagainst the rules, according to the sex-and-dating police. Read-- and memorize -- this information to avoid lawsuits, dismissalfrom work, expulsion from school -- or worse!LIP-LICKING, TEETH-LICKING, AND PROVOCATIVE EATING. All these (andmore) are on a list of "unacceptable gestures and behaviors"distributed at the University of Maryland at College Park.STANDING TOO CLOSE. Standing too close is one of a long list of"sexually harassing behaviors" that Susan Strauss and PamelaEspeland caution us "have been reported in U.S. high schools."(Others are MAKING "VERBAL COMMENTS ABOUT CLOTHING" and "WEARING ANOBSCENE HAT.")ATTENDING PERFORMANCES OF "ROMEO AND JULIET." London school officialJane Hardman-Brown refused to take her students to see "Romeo andJuliet" on the grounds that it was a "blatantly heterosexual lovestory." (It's not clear whether Hardman-Brown wants the playrewritten to celebrate alternative lifestyles, or would prefer tohave it banned altogether.)EXCESSIVE EYE CONTACT. University of Toronto chemistry professorRichard Hummel was recently prosecuted for "prolonged staring" at afemale student.INSUFFICIENT EYE-CONTACT. A handbook published at Barnard Collegein New York warns male professors who fail to make sufficienteye contact with their female students that their conduct is"contributing to a biased atmosphere in the classroom" which maycause women to "feel discouraged and/or physically threatened."RECEPTIVE NONINITIATION. If a woman makes a pass at her male boss,and her boss responds, he (not she) is guilty of sexual harassment,according to Hunter College professor Sue Rosenberg Zalk. Zalk'sterm for this underpublicized offense: "receptive noninitiation."FORGETTING A WOMAN'S NAME. A report issued by a committee at theUniversity of Pennsylvania lists "women's names not remembered" as apernicious form of sexual discrimination.PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION. The Minnesota Department of Educationdiscourages "displays of affection in hallways" on the grounds thatsuch displays "may offend others" and are "heterosexist."HAMBURGERS. Jeremy Rifkin, author of Beyond Beef, notes that "thestatistics linking domestic violence and quarrels over beef are bothrevealing and compelling."SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR. And finally this, from Robin Morgan, formereditor of Ms.: If a man's "self-deprecating humor" leads a woman toinitiate sex with him, then that man is -- in a "radical feminist"sense of the term -- guilty of assault.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: Politically-Correct HumorGENERIC ETHNIC JOKE #1Q: How many people belonging to a certain ethnic group does it taketo perform a particular menial activity?A: A finite positive integer. One to perform the activity, andthe rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their ethnic group!GENERIC ETHNIC JOKE #2A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonlyconsidered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met anotherperson belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set ofimputed stereotypical mannerisms.The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypesassociated with his ethnic group, and proceeded to make a remarkthat might be considered to establish conclusively his membership inthat group, whereupon his companion proceeded to make a remark witha double meaning; the first of which could be interpreted toindicate his agreement with his companion, but the other meaning ofwhich serves to corroborate his membership in his particular ethnicgroup.The first person took offense at his remark and reacted in astereotypical way!
Anyone Without a Sense of Humor Is At The Mercy of The Rest of Us.
"HumourNet" is brought to you by Lyris -- an innovative new e-maillist server from The Walter Shelby Group, Ltd. For more informationon Lyris, see.To subscribe to the "HumourNet" mailing list, send the followingcommand to :subscribe HumourNet your name, your city, your state or countrywhere "your name" is your real name, etc. If you run into problems,then either (1) send any message to fora more detailed set of instructions, (2) subscribe via Lyris's Webinterface at, or (3) send a *detailed*description of the problem to
*.To unsubscribe, visit our Web interface at or refer to your Welcome message for detailed instructions.For instructions on contributing to HumourNet, send any message to.>>> Note: Attributions in Collage openers are to the contributors,not necessarily the authors. Authors' credits are included in thetext wherever possible.
0 comments:
Post a Comment